Night Moves

Men, in particular, experience a strong proclivity for the mid-life move.  This has become known in certain circles as the "mid-life crisis", but even a casual observer can attest to the pull.  It usually begins in a man's early forties and does not subside until he's too old to do anything about it. 

A recent survey of the American male revealed that most men (post age 18) are single, and that most men in America have experienced at least one career change as well as a second-go-round at marriage.

For these reasons and more I have always felt like an outsider in the locker room.  I've essentially been working the same job since I was twenty years old, and for better or worse, I've stayed with the same pigeon-toed woman for twenty-seven years . . . and nearly forty, if I count back to the years when we started dating in high school at age fourteen.

During these years, however, there have been times when I've wanted to chuck my work, or chuck my wife, or chuck the family . . . it's only natural for a man to want to chuck something.  Baby, I was born to run (as Bruce Springsteen used to sing).  But all change comes at a price.

Women have an advantage over men when it comes to navigating the mid-life crisis.  (Though women are, I'm afraid, more vulnerable to financial and family annihilation in the event of change.)  Women have, however, an ample supply of books, movies, magazines, and friends to help them cope . . . but men?  All we have is Homer Simpson and a plethora of movies that poke fun at the male predicament.  Men at mid-life are easy fodder, and all of us eventually become ample, rotund targets for satirization.  My biggest target of satire is myself, but noting the flaws in other men is also an easy task . . . especially if these men happen to be politicians.

That's why I'm writing this blog.  Men need help.  We need to study over our manopause and weep more openly and get in touch with our feelings and admit that we've become overweight and we don't know how to stop eating donuts or desiring change.  We need to treat our dying pets with more empathy and ask our children (who are usually older themselves) if they would be willing to drink skim milk.  

Manopause is a real issue in America and I think we should address it.  In the meantime, don't quit your job or file for divorce or buy that BMW until you've done the heavier work of self-analysis.  Don't make a move until you understand that little green man inside.

Somebody in there is trying to tell you something.