Understanding the Male Ego

It's a common question women ask:  "Where does he get the ego?"  This is a fair question, though I think most men struggle to give an answer while they are watching Matlock reruns or working the night shift at 7-11. 

So . . . allow me to help.

The male ego is generally shaped like a kidney bean and usually lodges behind the right eyeball.  Sometimes, as a male ages, the ego descends into the abdomen and is flushed down the toilet.  If a man manages to keep his ego into his seventies, the ego can be removed surgically, but this is rare.  A man in the full-throes of manopause typically sees his ego reduced to the size of a pencil eraser as his testosterone level drops and he is able to afford tickets to the ballet.  The ego is further reduced as a man migrates from briefs to boxers.

The male ego, however, is very fragile.  It is usually tested for the first time on the wedding night, when the wife comments:  "That's it!?  That's all you've got?"  The male ego is steadily reduced from this point forward, and if a wife works at it, she can usually extract the ego entirely by the time the husband is in his early forties and has given up his dreams of playing shortstop for the Yankees.

The male ego can also be reduced quickly and easily if a woman makes steady but reliable comments about his lack of fashion, his cheesy wardrobe, his thinning hair, or the diminishing size of his income.  There are, of course, comments that could also be made about the male anatomy, but this is hitting below the belt.

Should a woman desire to keep some of the male ego on hand, the ego can usually be pickled.  Mayonnaise jars work well and, once extracted, the male ego can be kept under the bed and only brought out on special occasions (bar mitzvahs, birthdays, anniversaries, National Donut Day, etc.).

Women should keep in mind, however, that once the male ego drops out, it is very difficult to stuff back in.  That is why most older men prefer to eat their ego, as they cannot stuff it back in through athletic prowess or the powers of persuasion.  Politicians are the only ones who seem to keep their egos into their eighties, but most of these are old white males who have very young wives to support.

With a bit of practice, most women can rid their man of his ego in short order.  No need to call a doctor.  And, in the rare event when a man seems to have no ego at all, a woman would do well to check under the pillow.

Sometimes the Ego Fairy leaves a surprise helping if a man hits the lottery.