The Comb-Over

Last week I witnessed the creation of a "triple" comb-over.  I couldn't believe it . . . had to stare long at hard at the guy sitting in front of me.  But sure enough, triple it was.  Side hair combed from right to left.  Side hair combed from left to right.  Back hair combed over the top of it all to form "bangs" in the front.  A scalp triple-parted like the waters of the Red Sea.

Now, perhaps I'm too vain . . . but I told my wife.  "If my pate ever deteriorates to that point, and I try a triple comb-over . . . just shoot me."

I think she would help me out.  She has insurance money coming anyway.  And for all I know, she may have her eye on a younger man who owns a car without duct tape.

Many a manopausal male has succumbed to the comb-over.  Perhaps it is a right of passage.  When the hair goes, so does the ego.

But with the advent of modern medicine (such as Metamucil and Geritol and Carter's Little Pills), the manopausal male now has options, including the following:

Plugs
     . . . in which chunks of hair are extracted from wild boars and hyenas and inserted into the human scalp, thus producing the appearance of John Travolta.

Weaves
     . . . in which hunks of hair extracted from Shitzus and euthanized race horses are woven into the remnants of the male pate, thus producing the appearance of Conan O'Brien on a bad hair day.

Rogaine
     . . . in which a high-priced and foul-smelling lotion is slathered into the scalp daily under the pretense that new hair will miraculously appear and thus produce the appearance of Johnny Depp or Sean Penn.

Prayer
     . . . if this worked, then why are faith healers so often bald?  Never trust a faith healer with bad hair.

Laying on of Hands
     . . . same as above, but would you really want some guy's big greasy hands scrolling around on your scalp checking for ticks?

Combs are cheap.  It's just too bad that so many manopausal males can't use 'em.