How to Make a Man Romantic

In keeping with our popular series of "how to" articles, let us here turn our attentions to the romantic male.  Or, as women are always asking, "How can I make my man more romantic?" we will here offer these three easy steps.

First, we suggest that your man shower.  This is an important step and could probably be accomplished first thing of a morning.  Many people bath at this time, though in other cultures bathing may be more popular in the evening hours or in a stagnant pool of tepid water, but we digress . . . .  In the bathing procedure, we also suggest soap, with tendencies toward the Irish Spring rainbow of aromas.  If you can't smell Ireland or red potatoes on your man, we suggest he repeat this first step.  Naturally, we feel that showering will make a man more inclined toward romance and, while he's in the water, he might also clip his toenails.  Leaving a sharpened pair of scissors on the drain covering might provide a hint.

The second step in making your man romantic involves food.  Or, as they say:  "The quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach."  That's why we suggest surgery or a feeding tube if eating doesn't work.  Begin by preparing a delicious meal.  And by delicious we mean--not from a can.  If you must dump something into a bowl, for God's sake make it pasta.  Forget the vegetables.  Remember:  the better the food, the more romantic he will be.  However, we offer one warning here:  don't overfeed him. This tends to give him gas and makes him very sleepy, which is not a good thing if you are expecting romance later.  Your food portions should be small, but tasty.  The meal should be small enough that afterwards he should be asking questions like, "You call this a dinner?" or "Really . . . when are we gonna eat?"  Well, but you catch our drift here, right?

Finally . . . and this third step is vital and it's all on YOU ladies . . . a man needs someone to romance.  If, for example, you say something after dinner like, "I'm tired and I want to go to bed" or "I think I'm coming down with the Hong Kong flu and I'm gonna blow chunks" or "Don't touch me or I'll dent your Adam's apple" . . . he might get the wrong impression.  There's a good chance he might want to watch Dragnet reruns instead.  We suggest you prepare a few craftily-worded openings so he won't be embarrassed by his awkward advances.  The showered and well-fed male should pick up on these innuendos and make some kind of movement.  Watch out for his hands, though, but if he turns off the TV you're probably in business. Watch for these signs!

Naturally, we here at the Institute for Male Progression are happy when we can help women understand their men.  That's why you come here for answers instead of reading Dr. Ruth or watching Dr. Phil.  We live to serve.

Happy hunting.