Understanding the Male Brain

Women frequently want to know how a man's brain works . . . and we here at the Institute for Male Progression thank you for seeking an answer here.  Let us explain.

The male brain is, as you know, completely different from a woman's gray matter.  A man's brain is actually a shade of purple, sort of a fuchsia, and the man frequently removes his brain and places it into a cup of water beside his bed at night.  Perhaps you've seen this phenomenon in horror movies.  Women frequently refer to this when they ask, "Have you lost your mind?" or "Are you our of your mind?"  Well . . . sometimes the man has, indeed, lost it.  A woman must always check.  And don't forget to look in the trunk of the car.  Some men lose their minds over engines, or the feel of sleek Corinthian leather bucket seats, or even Lucas Oil products.  Another popular place for a man to lose his mind is at work . . . and a woman can always check with Gilbert in Accounts Receivable to see if his mind is fixated on Silvia or that chic who cleans the urinals.  If his mind is elsewhere you may not be able to reach him before it's too late.

A man's brain, however, is easy to comprehend.  All he wants is food.  So feed him.  Donuts work well.  So do steaks and chops smeared with barbecue sauce.  A well-fed man is a happy man, and after a good meal his brain is so hopped up on endomorphines and potassium you'll actually be able to have a coherent conversation about shoes, or your hairstyle, or even your feelings.  This sensation, however, will only last a few minutes, so don't press it.  And never say that you need cuddling.  This cannot be accomplished unless you are lying side-to-side on the sofa watching reruns of The Rat Patrol.  Then, and only then, could a woman ever expect to spoon.  This phenomenon is known in some circles as "love".

Finally, a man's brain is best understood--not as a series of nerves or a giant computerized processing center--but as a pile of mush.  Picture mashed potatoes in a bowl.  These taters are, of course, under great pressure inside the cranium and this can lead to many different forms of dimentia and dilerium.  Some of these psychotic disorters commonly found in the male include:  financial insecurities, feelings of hopelessness, penis envy, and an insatiable desire to watch Dr. Phil.  

The woman can, of course, learn how to cope with the male brain--and she frequently does.  This is called marriage.  

Some women have tried it and, from what we read in our files and see on TV, it has been known to work if the woman is well-adjusted and earns a six-figure salary.  We look forward to hearing from you.