As older men have discovered, the average male is about 5'11" tall, weighs 190 pounds, and fabricates an average golf score that is, on average, 100 strokes less than the actuality. This average male also consumes (on average) 2500 calories a day--a great deal of it from cans of Beefaroni--and drinks his own body weight each week in diet sodas.
The average male is, of course, married . . . but he lies about the frequency of his sexual activity or, perhaps, chooses to live in the fairy tale land of denial or cannot bring himself to admit that his wife is no longer interested in his one-dimensional game plan. The average male does attempt to substitute other pitches, of course, but these are quickly and efficiently bunted foul in headaches or bolts of laughter . . . especially if the average male has decided to pierce his nipples--which, by the way, is not your average solution. (Listen closely to the Cialis commercial!)
Among other traits of the average male are:
* A General Malaise About Life
* Shopping at Walmart
* A fascination with old pairs of underwear and creative ways to utilize them as dust rags for the kitchen table, as sofa stuffing, or as kites. (Some may also be cut and woven into wonderful Christmas gifts for the mother-in-law.)
* Lisping
* Smearing honey on toast
* A fascination with retirement and wondering how he can cash in his entire 401-k to purchase a major league baseball team on the cheap (think Cleveland).
* Thoughts about death
* Laughing at knock-knock jokes
* More thoughts about death
* Plate spinning
As you can see the average male has much going for him. He is cerebral, conscious, and concerned. He is also nuts.
Of course, he isn't really. He's just average. But he doesn't want to believe he's just one in a long line of men who can no longer swing a golf club.
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