The Man Formerly Known As . . .

Pop artists, premier athletes and movie stars are all accustomed to changing their names.  But if anyone is entitled to a new moniker, it should be the older male. 

The manopausal male, after all, begins to take on new characteristics as he ages.  The onset of gray drags along a new appearance as well as a refreshed outlook on life, and with it, the need for a name change.

Some men, for example, could change their names from Harry to "Real Hairy".  This name change hits at the core of his new identity and the copious amounts of nostril hair he finds ringing the bathtub drain.  Other name changes along these lines could include "Sleepy", "Dopey", "Sneezy" and "Mr. Softee."

Some men, however, may wish to retain some vestige of their former selves, and thus would prefer to be "the man formerly known as . . . . "

Along these lines, we find:
The man formerly known as Lord of the Cal-da-sac
The man formerly known as Your Husband
The man formerly known as the Idiot Who Didn't Signal that Left Turn
The man formerly known as The Floor Manager of Ayers
The man formerly known as Ralph

Of course, not all men desire a name change as they enter manopause.  Some prefer to go by the same dippy names their mother gave them at birth--a name she likely lifted out of a Sears & Roebuck catalogue or overheard on a soap opera like Days of our Lives.  These men--usually "Bob" or "Tom" or "Jimmy"--prefer to die the same way they came in, as plain scoops of vanilla on a sugar cone.  You won't find them down at the court house changing their names to "Numero-Hottie" or "Metta U-Mother Last Friday" or "Stretch Limo" or "Hot Tub Hal" or "Touch Me-and-I Breaka U-Face".  

Most men, however, would prefer a different name in their older age.  Names like "Geronimo" or "Kicking Mule" or "Vlad the Impaler" are always popular.  Other popular name-changes among older males include "Sunblock Willie", "The Best on e-Harmony" and "Buck Naked".

As you can see, the older male has many names to choose from, and the onset of manopause should not be a deterrent when it comes to selecting a new identity that will reinforce the essence of a man.  Naturally, some men are more honest than others.  

But you don't have to search far to find these modern day Diogeneses.  You'll know them by name.  Just look for any man at the office who has legally changed his name to "Mr. Beer Belly", "Lord Lard Butt", "Frank the Fifty-Year-Old Shortstop" or "Al".  Or, these men can also be found at home, watching reruns of Gomer Pyle.