Recipe For Success

After the older male and his wife have surpassed the silver anniversary mark, there are many who begin asking, "What's your secret?"  These unsuspecting folks naturally make the assumption that there is a recipe for marital success and that, if followed, they could achieve such longevity as well.

This, of course, is a myth . . . much like Sasquatch or an effective Congress, and intelligent couples realize that longevity is produced only through proper nutrition and regular check-ups with the proctologist.  Furthermore, recipes for success do vary, with some long-standing couples living several states apart and conversing over Skype, while other successful couples live under the same roof and purchase sofas.

The manopausal male, however, always points to his wife as the secret of his success and mentions her often at poker games.  He will note that his wife can still dance and that, on certain occasions, she will also cook meatloaf.  These small affirmations are essential to a successful marriage, and as the male ages, he stuff his quiver full of them.

The wife, also, will follow suit and note that her husband is the same man she married decades before.  Sure, he may have lost most of his hair and his libido has slipped to the granny cog, but overall he's adequate.  He is walking erect most days and has not yet succumbed to an Advil addiction.  He still kisses her on anniversaries and weekends.

In essence, the successful marriage is built on waning eyesight and the inability of either spouse to inspect the package of goods they are currently living with.  The older mind plays tricks on reality, and the most successful couples believe that they are living on the set of Leave it to Beaver.  Some older couples no longer talk to each other--which actually helps--and in time they settle in to watching 14-hours of television a day and asking, "Did you say something?" 

Once the hearing goes, these successful couples press on toward the golden anniversary, or death, whichever comes first, and they begin to think about their estate planning.  In time, most couples will realize that they have no estate to plan and can find ultimate relaxation at a place like Shady Grove or Slippery Pines.

Later, of course, God will want to know, "What was your secret?"

Fortunately, the older loving couple has an eternity to figure out the answer.