Man-Sized

Eventually the older male realizes that he is a pawn in a marketing scheme designed to separate him from his wallet. When he goes to the grocery store, for example, he is accosted with labels touting the contents as "man-sized" or "manly". There is even something called a "Manwich." And even TV dinners come in frozen slabs designed the quell a man's enormous appetite.

Some years ago a deodorant company told us that their product was "strong enough for a man, but made for a woman." I never used the product, however, as I didn't want my wife to think I was worried about my odor. Somewhere I had read that women actually like a natural man-scent, not something artificial, and that pheromones are the real deal.

I do, however, possess some man-sized features such as: my home library, which is enormous; my CD collection, which is enormous; and my tool box full of broken screwdrivers, which is very enormous. I collect other things on a small scale, and don't like to spend much time exercising, which is why I write this blog.

Men are natural suckers, though, for the super-sized meals and drinks that the marketing experts toss in our faces. We don't want to drink anything small in the company of a woman and, when given the choice, most men will opt for a steak the size of Nebraska. Small orders make us look cheap, and we don't like that either.

Those marketing people know that older men, in particular, feel trapped and inadequate. We need the morale-boost that super-sized and man-sized items can give us. We feel tough when we order large.

That, of course, is why I don't diet. I keep waiting for someone to invent a way to lose man-sized weight while eating a super-sized pizza.