Men who are embracing their own manopause have already remembered the biggies such as the seventh anniversary, the diamond anniversary (10), and the silver anniversary (25). But at anniversary 28 he realizes he's not yet reached the milestone of the pearl anniversary (30) or the gold (50). He's stuck at Maalox, and he's entering the year of the Advil Anniversary.
No, the older male isn't going to purchase this type of gift for his wife, so he forgets about it. He enters the witness-protection-program for men and, for several years, goes undercover (hoping his wife will want to go undercover too for one last fling). He creates various aliases in the hope that his wife will enjoy certain evenings with such hot-blooded men as the Latin Lover (Roberto), the hairdresser (Silvio) and the mailman (Frank) who, by the way, always delivers. He practices his various voices and moves and reminds the older woman that this is the best it's going to get until he can afford a hip replacement.
Men forget the forgettable anniversaries because they don't want to subject their older wives to additional harm. Older women, after all, have been through much trauma with their older men--including such high-water marks as childbirth, saving for college tuition, and the purchase of a first chain saw. Older men realize that additional anniversaries are, quite simply, mean, and they should be forfeited for achievable goals such as a healthy oatmeal diet, avoiding scurvy, and having sex twice a year.
Eventually, of course, the older woman realizes that the older male is attempting to remember a wedding anniversary when he alludes to their love with such phrases as "have you lost weight?" or "wanna eat at Wendy's?" or "whatever happened to Anthony Wiener?"
The older male is not forgetful. He is merciful. And as he ages, he takes on the appearance of a Greek god.
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